Waiting Out the Storm

School was cancelled this Wednesday on account of a typhoon. I am from the midwest. This is a first for me.

I only learned about Typhoon Ragasa the morning before it hit. I knew that it was rainy and windy over the weekend, of course, but it had been rainy and windy all month. I certainly didn’t register that I was in danger — and neither did anyone else, apparently, because everything was business as usual up to today. When I googled Typhoon Ragasa, I found a CNN article with pictures of empty grocery stores and stories of mass evacuations. I guess someone forgot to tell Guangzhou about it, because we didn’t even bother closing school until noon. Suddenly, in the middle of my second class, a voice came over the speakers to announce that classes were adjourned for the day. The students weren’t worried; they whooped and hollered with joy, and started shouting their favorite phrase, “下课!” (pronounced “xiake,” it means “class is over”) After that, I was sent home to wait out the storm. I stayed home all day on Wednesday, constantly waiting for the rain and wind to start pelting my windows, but it never happened. I looked outside and could see it was pretty wet, but I really wouldn’t have known there was a hurricane if nobody told me (of course, I might feel differently if I ever went outside).

Apparently, I was lucky. The typhoon passed by Guangzhou without too much incident, but Hong Kong and Shenzhen were closer to its center, and the New York Times is full of pictures of extreme flooding and collapsed bridges. For the rest of us, though, it’s business as usual. It’s a little surreal to think that this destructive, potentially deadly disaster just barely skirted us, and now we’re back in the office. My greatest concern right now isn’t a hurricane: it’s time and money.

When I wrote about my job, I mentioned how I get paid well for relatively little work. Although I greatly appreciate this arrangement, one of its pernicious effects is that it’s easier for my employer to take advantage of me, as I can’t do much about it or I risk losing the benefits I have. Living and working in a foreign country, where a language barrier leads to poor communication, further exacerbates this problem. This manifests itself in a number of ways. I was quite shocked when my direct deposit didn’t come through on payday, and I learned that my first payday was not September 15 but October 15, which meant I worked for six weeks before I got paid. How I was supposed to manage until then wasn’t very clear. When I do get paid on the 15th, it will probably only be for the days from September 1 through 15, and I might get penalized for days I didn’t clock in — nevermind that those were all mandated by the school, including the first day when I didn’t even have the app to clock in downloaded! I seriously doubt that my employer will take this into account when deciding to dock my pay or not. Is this worth raising a stink about? I don’t think so. I like my job, and I don’t want to blow it up over solvable issues like these. I’m fortunate enough that I don’t need to worry so much about money. The really serious issue for me is time. 

I recounted in my post on video games the antagonistic relationship I’ve had with time for my entire life. I wrote that “If China is a new start for me, then one of the things I absolutely must do is learn how to spend time well.” When I look in the corner of the room and see my poor abandoned violin, I realize that I haven’t actually lived up to that yet. If I were using time well, then I’d be able to get work done without abandoning my avocational interests. There’s really no excuse for it; I have the freedom to choose what I do with my time, so every time I neglect something important, it’s a choice that I make. I could very well make another choice if I wanted to, so why don’t I? This is the question I’ve struggled with since I was very young. In college, I learned the terms abulia, avolition, and anhedonia, which refer to diminished motivation, inability to act according to one’s motivation, and inability to find joy in activity respectively. I was ecstatic by the validation that my experiences were real conditions with names, but learning that alone didn’t help me treat them, or even understand why they occur. To this day, I’m still unsure. One thing I suspect might help is to set a consistent routine, and do the same things around the same time every day. Unfortunately, this doesn’t really work when my school upends my routine regularly.

Just like in the west, Chinese students often have single days off for vacations. Unlike the west, they “make up” these days by coming to school on the following Saturday (thus rendering the vacation pointless, but that’s a different topic entirely). This coming week is the national holiday, a full weeklong vacation and one of the exceptions to this rule, but it still requires a makeup day the preceding weekend — except that now we had a day off in the middle of the week for a typhoon, which means we also have to do a makeup day for that, and I’m working every day for the next five days. It’s not too much work at all, but it completely disrupts my routine, one that I’d really like to set. You can see my frustration now.

I have no plans for the upcoming holiday. I worried so much about settling into work, getting paid, and surviving a typhoon that I didn’t even consider what I was going to do until it was too late. It’s too bad, because I really wanted to see some other cities around China, but I’m not sure when I’m meant to do that. There’s only one other extended break this year, so I guess I’ll have to condense all of my travel into that time block. I might end up something of a Guangzhou homebody, which is a shame, because my primary motivation for coming all this way was to travel around and see China.

It doesn’t feel fair to complain about Typhoon Ragasa. Many people seriously suffered, where for me it was merely an inconvenience. I think my worklife is the same. Most people my age work in worse conditions for fewer benefits than I do. I am very lucky to have this opportunity at all, and I do enjoy it, all told. But between the gloomy weather and a little homesickness (why can’t you get your hands on a decent burger anywhere in China?), I guess I just feel apt to complain this week. There just isn’t much to report, because I haven’t been doing that much. 

Hopefully, I’m not saying the same thing next time. October is my favorite month. It’s the month I was born, and more importantly, it’s the month where things start to happen. In September, everyone is too busy getting settled into their new roles to get anything done. It’s an appetizer. October is the main course. It’s when you start moving and shaking for real. It wouldn’t be life without some sort of disruption — I still have this holiday ahead — but after that, I’ll have the chance to start putting some of the stuff I talk about into practice. Throughout September, I failed to accomplish many of my goals. I’ll see that does not continue in October.